The Road

It's been a few weeks since my last blog(again sorry...I am lazy) which to me means I'm focusing less on my illness and more on the other things that life has to offer. So good s&*t on my part. One's health can very often be a state of mind. Over the last few months I've had the opportunity to tell many people the story of my disease and how it has affected the past 33 years of my life. When people hear that I've had open heart surgery they stare at me with a blank look trying to figure out how it is that I have heart disease. Quickly I explain to them that my heart problems are not associated with years of poor diet and little or no exercise rather I have a congenital condition that I was born with. There are LOTS of us out there and many of us are in our 20's and 30's.

Once I've cleared this hurdle most people steer the conversation toward how I have reconciled any feelings of anger or bitterness I have in my heart. I'd love to sit here and say I have never questioned God's plan for me. In my own quiet moments I've enjoyed a few choice words for the man upstairs. I'd question my own humanity if I didn't. Once I was able to push aside any feelings of pity or anger I began to make sense of this entire experience. I have never looked back. So here is where I'm at today. Remember all feelings are subject to change.

Like every experience that adds to a person's character my heart is no different. I would not be the person that I am today if I hadn't traveled this road. Without a hint of arrogance I like who I am and I like how I got here. I wouldn't change a thing about my life including the years of misdiagnosis, surgery or my recovery. I cannot change any of the things that have happened or will happen in the future with regards to my heart. I have accepted this and am at peace with it. I do get to choose to be happy. I get to be thankful for who I am. Most importantly I get to live.

I work in an environment where I hear tragic stories of survival everyday. I teach English as a Second Language to immigrants and refugees. These people's life stories would blow your mind. The things some of them have been witness to are so horrific they almost sound untrue. Their stories certainly put into perspective what I have been through and how extremely lucky I am to have grown up in a country with so much wealth and opportunity. Things could be so much worse.

I have also been lucky to recover in a cardiac program where I get to heal with people who have survived the face of death. In fact a couple of them did literally die and then they became miracles. Talk about strength. When you can say I died but I came back you are the freakin' man or woman. Each story strengthens my amazement at the resolve of the human spirit. With the help of their friends and family my new amigos have recovered and thrived in their lives. They are true survivors. Many have completely altered how they live their lives to ensure longevity with their families. It takes strength to change. It takes courage to change. It takes love to change. My heart has allowed me to see stories that many only read in books or watch in movies. I am so thankful for the life I have been given. I am thankful to be a survivor.

Sorry to blabber on and on but this stuff is important to me.

Take care all and much love,

Steve